"You can't be what everybody else wants you to be. Do what makes you happy." - Tiffany Limos 3/31/09

"Acting is easy, writing is hard!" - Marlon Brando

"I am filled with love and affection." - Tiffany Limos 3/22/10

"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it." - Mark Twain

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"Be yourself, everyone else is already taken." - Oscar Wilde

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Sunday, February 15, 2009

One More Time...

I forgot to say some things in my last blog.

The greatest thing I did when I turned 29 was reflect on my whole life.

The mistakes, failures, good, bad, accomplishments, deaths, births, and how grateful I should be to still be alive to grow from it all.

I am so blessed.

Many people don't get the chance to see their 29th birthday. I am very grateful.

I have forgiven myself for the mistakes I have made and I pray that people will forgive me for the mistakes that I have made as well.

All you can do in life is accept what is happening right now and move on. Change and grow but most of all LEARN.

I remember moving to LA when I was 23 years old but I actually started living in Los Angeles when I was 21 in the year 2001. So many things have happened to me since then and all I did was sit and think about my life on my birthday. I let the film of my life play out in my mind. The good, the sad, the ugly, the horrific, the happy times, the sweet times, and etc.

Its unbelievable that I am still in one piece.

There were some times in my life that I wished never happened! But now I am a better person because of it. There were a few deaths that changed me forever and a few births that did the same thing. There were a few people that I didn't like that taught me the most important lessons that a friend could never teach me. I thought about someone that taught me alot of life lessons and it touched me.

Seeing things in hindsight was overwhelming.

Being in LA and going to the old haunts really put things in perspective.
I remember what it was like living there and things haven't changed.

Well the only thing that has changed is this new technology boom with myspace, youtube, facebook, and etc. These internet stars Tila Tequila, Cassie, Lily Allen, Cory Kennedy, Soulja Boy, and the fact that everyone can make a movie, be a critic, say anything they want to say... as Elliot Mintz once told me, "Darling, its the black hole of media. If you censor it, it might as well be television." Now you have to know who this Elliot Mintz is? He is a genius! Still with those words, he is still sharp!

I thought to myself, I wondered if my life would have been any different if I were 21 years old right now? What in the world would have happened to me? I don't know if I would have been able to cope with the book of the internet. I thought it was out of control back then but its worse now. I look at the Wikipedias of other peoples' and they list all their articles and interviews. None of mine are listed. Alot of my interviews and television spots aren't listed. I guess it was before the era of Technology. I know girls my age that just started to become popular in 2006 who seem to have more press coverage than myself but I have tons of magazine covers from Asia and Europe but none are listed. So its pretty interesting. Its almost like if you don't list your interviews and your magazine covers/press it doesn't count! And its like this race to see who can market themselves better on the internet? It's definitely new but not really new. Its a whole new game just from a few years ago! When I was 23 I don't remember this kind of thing happening? When I was 23, I lived in LA and I had a Publicist. I did all kinds of photoshoots for all kinds of magazines i-D, British Vogue, V Magazine, and I went to all of the shows front row. That was never shown on the internet. I remember doing a photoshoot with Paris Hilton when I was 22 years old before she was famous and that was never shown. Ha! And I remember being with her in LA for fashion week and it just being like whatever. Now-a-days, its serious. People just going for it, going out to get scene, calling Paparazzi like the world is going to end and pretending like they didn't call them and calling gossip columns giving tips when its really them calling in! MY MY MY.
Also, I think you have to be pretty avid to be keep up and sometimes I don't care. But DAMN, Diablo Cody was discovered on the internet! AND I LOVE HER! Perez Hilton and Necole Bitchie have made names for themselves and it seems like you don't have to do anything these days to be famous and you don't have to have a degree to be an internet critic.

I try to keep up but I am still honing my writing craft and I just gather with other writers sometimes. We are just a bunch of boring nerds. We don't do anything but talk about writing and talk about books. I laughed to myself and I thought how boring I've become. I am so glad that I am not 21, 22, 23 anymore because I've had too many experiences to last me 50 lifetimes!

I am ready to settle in and just be domesticated!

Bring it on!



The month of February... for me... (& memories!)

Has ushered in happiness disguised in sad tears.

My birthday was a true surprise this year. What happened to me, I never would have expected in a million years. HA! (As Andre 3000 would say.) I wasn't happy I will tell you that much but that situation did open a new door. Which was going to happen to me whether I wanted it to or not! Isn't that how life is sometimes?! Yeah.

I celebrated my 23rd birthday by moving to Los Angeles from New York, getting an apartment in Santa Monica and having Larry Clark shoot me for the cover of Rebel Magazine. A prestigious out of print magazine from France.

My 24th birthday was celebrated in Los Angeles. I remember being at the Standard Downtown... and than being in New York having dinner with Michel Gondry and Paul Gondry.

For my 25th birthday I was in Paris working with Michel on The Science of Sleep and we partied at Le Baron. Drinks on Agnes B. and everyone was there! Chloe Sevigny, Daft Punk, Elodie Bouchez, Pedro Winter, Gael Garcia Bernal, Gaspar Noe, my friend Gael Foucher, Michel Bernstein, Christophe Lemaire from Lacoste and Olivier Assayas met me the next day to take me to dinner for my birthday. Larry Clark and Spike Lee called to wish me well. It was a merry ole TIME! I rented The Dreamers by Bertolucci since Michel was letting me pick out something to rent since it was my birthday and he freaked out when I put the dvd in.... "Is this the kind of stuff you watch?!" He says that during the clip where Michael Pitt has Eva Green's photo on his penis! ha ha ha!!!!!!!! Unfortunately, I know Michael Pitt and I was there for his first audition for Larry Clark and when he got cast for the movie Bully so I was soooo not into that part but I still crack up thinking of Michel's reaction! ha ha ha.

My 26th birthday was great! I owe that to Sarajane Wilde, Dave Morrison, and Michel Gondry... and Sean Lennon.

I don't know who paid for the drinks and dinner at the Chateau Marmont but it was nice!!!!!!!!

I saw Andre 3000 for a coffee before-hand, he was off to get a massage. Fonzworth Bentley came with his two friends. I met this guy who was the lead singer to Autolux and I forget his name but he came. I met him at Meg from the White Stripes bday party. He was their opening act. Liv Tyler came with Victoria Clay and Tatiana Von Furstenberg and her husband. My assistant Nick Kerkhoff was there. Sean played on the piano and sang Benny and Jets and Money Mark played along. Scarlett Johansson was there in pajamas with Josh Hartnett... and I saw a girl I met from Sophia Rossi named Katherine there. Sam Spiegel was there and Steve Aoki came by to say hello. We were supposed to go to Cinespace afterwards but we all decided to go to Teddy's instead. I don't remember what happened after that though. I also remember laughing at Sean and telling him he was the funniest guy I know and he was like.. what about Fonzworth!? He has a lime green sweater on?!!!! ha ha ha ha

It was sort of surreal because I have one friend that is from Texas that is still alive that I talk to and she wasn't there. And I only have one neighborhood friend who is still alive that I talk to. Believe it or not, the rest are dead or in jail. Its sad. Its cool to have all these people at my birthday but its kind of weird since I did not grow up with them. But I guess I can't be complaining about my life.

When I turned 27... back track here... alright... when I was a kid my favorite director from the Philippines was Cirio H. Santiago, than it would be a tie between Eddie Romero and Lino Brocka. I realized that Cirio H. Santiago was one of Quentin Tarantino's favorite directors too! Quentin and I happen to be bosom buddies... and I heard from someone in New York that Cirio was in Los Angeles. I tracked him down like a bandit! I called Quentin squealing like a pig..... on his answering machine and what does he do? Calls me back squealing!!!!!!!!!!!! We both couldn't believe that THE Cirio H. Santiago was in LA! I arranged a meeting with him on MY birthday! Cirio wanted to meet at Nate-n-Al's! He told me it was an old Hollywood meeting place. I was the first to arrive and I was shaking all the way there. Ahhh lord... I was the only young person in the room... and it was so easy to spot him! And then a few moments later Quentin comes in with (I forget) something for Cirio to sign. Awe... I will never forget that birthday. Quentin was about to do press for his movie Death Proof and it was great that we got to meet our idol Cirio H. Santiago! Oh yeah, QT and TL's fav. Santiago flicks are The Muthers, Death Force, and Ebony, Ivory, and Jade!

When I turned 28, I was with my bestfriend Claudia Wu at the Coffee Shop in NY. I was a hostess there when I was a teenager, when I stopped modeling. The next day we met up with Andre 3000 at The Grammercy Hotel in some private area to celebrate. Than later we were joined by Damon Dash, Irina, Margarita Missoni, and Erin Fethersen... (not sure if these names are spelled right... I will check later.) That was fun because Andre never ever goes out and to see him was like seeing a fictional character come to life!

The great age.
The last year I will be in my twenties!
I am going to live everyday like its my last.
I am going to just go for it. (So should you!)

I lost my wallet and you can't rent a car or stay at a nice hotel without a credit card! I had loads of cash on me but that didn't matter one bit. I didn't worry about it though but that sort of stressed me out. Mitchell Gutman and I had food and drinks at this Thai restaurant called Toi. I always wanted to go there because Quentin told me that he used to write in there for hours and I wanted to see what this place was all about. It lived up to its promise and I saw that the Pulp Fiction poster was strategically positioned next to a Godard poster of Anna Karina... I know why. Do you? I will post the photo I took of it on this blog later. Than I went to Hyde to meet up with Yacine. Than to the Chateau Marmont for the sake of it and old memories... and Yacine, Mitchell, Yorgan, and I had a really nice time. Yacine and Yorgan left. Mitchell and I went to some bar in Silverlake and it smelled like vomit! I don't know the name of the place. HA!
I put medicine on my face and it burned my skin! There were two burn marks on my face. And scar marks from when I was sick! That was not good. It should have been the Omen for the night. I got dressed in my vintage white embroidered mini dress and wore black wedges. I ate Thai food, went to Happy Endings (which I thought was like the New York version but its not, its more like a frat bar.), and than called it a night.
My life changed that night though for many reasons.
My last year of my twenties, nothing is going to get me down.
I love it!
I love life.

So that is what happened. I know I didn't write about my birthday but I have been traveling all over the world in a short span of time and I haven't been able to blog. Just dealing with alot of things too. Upset with alot of things too! But in the end, Happy.

So now. After the Grammys! I had to leave town. In LA they did have the Cirio H. Santiago Tribute at the New Beverly Cinema on the 10th! Man I was kicking myself for not attending that but Brian from the theater just emailed me and told me that they might have another one in a few months. Quentin and I will be attending that one for certain!

So what did you do for Valentine's Day?
I felt sleepy!
I had a great Valentines.

OH yeah! Me Magazine's newest issue is out now!
I will blog about that later.

Now I am tired of writing here.
Gotta go.